What To Do When Your Company Breaks Up With You

I have a guilty pleasure; and I am not referring to Ice Cream Snickers bars nor Mariah Carey’s greatest hits album. I LOVE radio show War of the Roses on Magic 92.5, every morning on the 10 spot (Wow, could I sound any more like a DJ?).

This five minute program is designed to catch cheating spouses in the act on air...yikes. Suspecting partners have MAGIC call their potentially guilty significant others and offer a dozen free romantic roses send to a person of their choice. Meanwhile their current partner is on the line listening to their every adulterous whisper. When the unsuspecting partner is found guilty for all of San Diego County to hear, all hell breaks loose. The swearing, blasting, and hot mess of an argument erupts.

One crisp morning on my way to work (boo) I heard another story of betrayed trust and cheating men. The girlfriend on the phone announced that she had taken one shoe from every pair of her boyfriends prized kick collection and threw them onto the freeway. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I have been mad at exes, don’t get me wrong, but I suppose I am not the type to destroy a man’s shoe collection, key his new BMW, or message his new girlfriend (at least to date).

My girlfriends and I have swapped plenty of dating battle stories, under the influence of champagne, pinot noir’s, tears and tubs of ice cream. Our post breakup strategies are always the same. Get closure. Pack your bags. Write him a letter. Start exercise routine on the off chance that you run into him again and he will be overwhelmed by your fit slim figure and fresh new hair cut. PARTY.

I was recently dumped, a relationship of three and half years, filled with tears, some fond memories and stresses. I woke up early every morning putting my best foot forward in the hopes that the next morning would have me eager to continue our tumultuous relationship but to no avail.

If my tear stained pillow could talk, it would smack me across the face and say “GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN” begging for me to get a new pillow because it can no longer soak up my passive aggressive cries. This awful relationship was with my company; my full-time corporate gig after years of changes has finally booted me off of the crazy hamster wheel.

I had the realization that being an employee with my organization was much like an abusive relationship. From the beginning I was wooed with the promise of benefits, paid education, an on-site café and I always felt controlled, watched and guilty every couple of months they would kick something nice my way...a bone big enough to make me re-commit my heart to my work. Of course this only lasts a few weeks until you feel empty and unfulfilled again. Knowing that a relationship isn’t requited and the honeymoon has long been over, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

I can’t help but wonder, what do you do when your company breaks up with you?

You have two options, much like on War of the Roses. You can bow out with grace, dignity and hope that your partner’s lack of integrity will be enough punishment or that some way somehow the universe will serve them the swift kick in the ass they deserve—or option number two—go postal.  Cue crying, screaming, law suits, letters to accrediting bodies, public articles—end scene. I am going to attempt to approach this situation like I would a breakup:

Get closure: Pack my bags. Write a letter. Start exercise routine on the off chance that you run into him again and he will be overwhelmed by your newly slim figure and fresh new hair cut.

Get closure: There are many things that go through your mind when someone lets you go. The biggest question is why? Someone can say it isn’t a performance issue—well, then why aren’t you keeping me onboard? In order to move forward you must have the truth and then process. Considering that most “letting go” speeches follow a strict HR and compliance template, it’s not surprise that the truth isn’t part of the design. If you feel that you don’t have enough information to move forward then ask. You deserve to know why you aren’t needed so that you may further feeling wanted.

Pack my bags: I have created a home in my nook of an office. My cubicle is decorated to my liking. My drawers are my own. I have inspirational reminders all around; photos of my grandparents and red balloons are pinned to my cork textured material walls. It’s time to separate myself from this space as it has chosen to separate itself from me. If you have the gift of time, start to remove things slowly,  a box a day, a few books a week, so it  feels more like moving to a new place versus an eviction.

Write a letter: Writing a letter is your opportunity to say your peace. As long as you get to share your opinion, insights, and feelings (while still remaining tactful and politically savvy). Perhaps the hardest part is the juxtaposition of having to be gracious while getting fired. You have to take the bullet , smile, and say “thank you for the opportunity.” Now, am I not saying that you need to draft a four page letter (Aaliyah reference) to your VP and confess your every word? HELL NO, because you and I both know having the self restraint via the medium  of writing will be nearly impossible (even harder that not being jealous of Kim Kardashian regardless of how much you despise her). It’s often said that you should never burn your bridges, and to be thankful as you never know who might resurface down the line of your future employment. Just as your company is able to say their last words, be sure you speak your truth with the caveat that you might need them as a reference.

Get right: The stress of corporate America can be found on my muffin top thanks to the months of self-medicating with wine, champagne and potato chips. It’s time to fall back in love with myself, with my body by caring for it with health and wellness. Hopefully I will run into my fellow employees looking radiant and 30 pounds lighter.

PARTY: You lost your job. It’s time to dance. Honey, you have earned it. Take the road trip you have been putting off because your boss needed you in the office. Travel. Drink wine. Spent time with friends and of course, spend time with yourself, remember all the reasons why you are an asset to any company.

Alas, having your heart broken by a friend, man, woman, or company is always challenging. There are two breakup strategies you can utilize. Strategy #1: Treat this as an opportunity for self discovery and growth or Strategy #2, let this serve as a complete catalyst for self-destruction. Keep the hope alive that there will come a glorious day when autonomy will align with your income until then, don’t throw your bosses shoes over the 5 Freeway.