We the Republicans of the United States ...

A satirical view of Republican political positions, in answer to the President's State of the Union speech.

Whatever it takes, we the Republicans pledge to bring down the government before we will adopt or compromise on any of the President’s plans to help the economy in the next four years. The giveaways the President proposed in his State of the Union speech are preposterous!

We will not close tax loopholes that benefit the rich—in spite of the President’s offer to allow substantial cuts to Medicare. Our tax system allows us to hide as much money as we like offshore—it’s only good business. However, this habit of the President’s to preserve tax cuts for everybody but the rich has to stop. We will not budge on budget issues, regardless of the catastrophic economic consequences of allowing the “sequester” to proceed (the spending cuts due to take effect on March 1.)

We favor protecting the border, but no easy path to citizenship for illegal aliens! We will not stop threatening to shut down the government—we need that to get our way!

As for gun control, forget it—how would we ever win a primary in a red state? Help pass a cap-and-trade bill to curb global warming—is he kidding? There is no such thing as global warming; it’s a rumor started by left-wing scientists and atheists, the same crowd that thinks the world is round.

We will not spend money to ensure universal access to pre-school.

We can’t afford vocational training.

Create a tax credit for hiring the long-term unemployed? That will cost money, and they tend to vote for Democrats anyway. We certainly will not increase the minimum wage. Raising the federal minimum wage from $7.25 to $9.00 an hour will cost jobs—forget the 20 states that already pay more than that. It will boost the economy, says the President, but how can you afford to run a business? At that rate, half the country will be on the dole—just what Obama wants.

Did he say “equal pay for women”? What will he think of next?

Incredibly, the public debt has grown to 58.6 trillion “dimes.” How much is that in dollars? Makes no difference. “Dimes” sounds better—as in, we will help the rich to keep every dime they make!

ObamaCare? How sick is that! We will make every effort to end welfare in America—those programs, at least, that help the poor and middle class. We owe that to ourselves.

Before we do anything for anybody, we have to eliminate the national debt and fund the military. Then, maybe we can repair roads and bridges and think about pre-schooling the poor. First, we need austerity, not more of Obama’s stimulus nonsense. Just ask Greece and... well, better wait and see what happens in Europe.

I read recently, “To live and work in America, in order to enjoy the benefits, you must be prepared to pay your fare share of the costs.” The article was talking about taxes; the author, obviously, is a flaming liberal.

Jac Flanders is the author of What I Learned On The Way Down” - eBook and paperback versions available from Amazon.com.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Mary Beth Marple February 23, 2013 at 06:49 PM
This attempt to be'clever' defeats its purpose of ridiculing Republicans because it is a ridiculous misrepresentation of the motives of this segment of our society. Slowing the rate of our march toward bankruptcy by not lmindlessly approving massive new debt in this years bloated budget, much larger than last year, is sensible, of course. But the extremists who gained control of the Democrat party can only stay in power if they are able fool most of us most of the time through their grossly biased major news media that has created a myth of financial crisis. Hopefully enough of the conscientious Democrats in Congress will resist intimidation by the phony 'liberals', wolves in sheep's clothing, to shout down these agents of the criminal element of our business sector.
JustUs February 23, 2013 at 09:15 PM
"To JustUs - Seriously, I don't really care - I don't know you, I don't want to know you, and I wouldn't expect an intelligent conversation if we met - but, for the sake of others who might read these blogs, is there any chance you might contribute a comment that challenges the assertions of the blog - that is not simply an incoherent blather of pointless nonsense?" I did, in fact, contribute my opinion about your blog here. I consider it just more meaningless rabble rousing that does nothing to bring people together - it only divides. Just like you consider the Republican Party to be the party that divides and promotes a mean spirit. So I am just offering my opinion as to your modus operandi after reading a number of your blogs. I am merely calling a duck a duck as I see it. You can selectively admonish me all you want but you can't hide the truth. And you're right. Based upon your extremely biased and inciteful blogs, I don't think we could ever have an intelligent conversation together. In fact, the thought gives me sort of a queasy feeling in my stomach. With that said, I hope you have an enjoyable day. PS - I wonder if Jac will actually post this response? He automatically moderates my posts so he can screen it first. It will be interesting to find out. I will copy it just in case.
fact checker February 24, 2013 at 02:02 AM
"But the extremists who gained control of the Democrat party can only stay in power if they are able fool most of us most of the time through their grossly biased major news media that has created a myth of financial crisis." What is the term used by logisticians that defines this kind of statement? Do you seriously think your quote describes Democrats? I believe even most Republicans will agree that extremism is endangering their own party. The recent election is proof enough of that. Or you can ask Karl Rove.
Duke of the foothills February 24, 2013 at 07:48 AM
Karl Rove has always represented the non-conservative Bilderberg Bushite wing of the party. The Republicans haven't had true conservatives in high office since Reagan followed by Gingrich. John Boehner is a moron who caves in every step of the way. The Republicans need to realize that they will not win the battle against Media Matters Zombies and they need to grow a pair and communicate directly to the 48% that want the government to leave them just a bit of the freedom that our founders fought for.
JustUs February 25, 2013 at 05:35 AM
The problem, of course, is that in a democracy there will always be more people who want more stuff paid for with other people's money than there are people who want government to operate responsibly and not spend more than they generate in revenue. Hence, democracy will always fail in the end. All democracies eventually go bankrupt and die. We are no different. Do you think we are a new and improved democracy? heh. America will go down in world history as a flash in the pan. A nation that grew too fast and burned itself out. Prosperity killed us.
LeAna Bui February 25, 2013 at 08:05 PM
Reagan and Gingrich true conservatives in today's world? Are you kidding? Before it was called Obamacare, the national healthcare reform was the brainchild of Mr. Gringrich's Contract with America.
fact checker February 25, 2013 at 08:44 PM
The election was lost by mistakenly characterizing the opposition. And by selling out to fringe groups with agendas that the vast majority of Americans find appalling. You can no longer assume that you can tell any group privately what they want to hear without everyone else finding out about it. As for the ignorant folks who still think it is acceptable to label older Americans, veterans, and those less fortunate than yourselves as "takers," I hope you never find out the hard way how to become one. I hope you never have to deal with a catastrophic illness or nature's fury. I hope all of your children and grandchildren are born healthy and with no need of special assistance to survive or thrive. I hope you remain able to take care of yourself until you die. I hope you or your loved ones never have to suffer the consequences of protecting our country. I hope your friends and neighbors never find out about your ignorance and your tendencies to judge others without knowing what they face. Because if they do you may die without needing any help from anyone else ever, but you will die a very lonely person.
JustUs February 25, 2013 at 09:20 PM
It's just much easier to be a liberal or moderate dem in America today than it is to be a conservative republican due to the mood of the nation. Many people feel 'entitled' to free or subsidized goods and services in America. And dems are much more likely to oblige. So people vote for free or highly subsidized stuff. If one opposes such nonsense he is labeled "mean spirited" by the dems. heh. If someone opposes rewarding criminality by giving legal residence to indigent illegal migrants he is labeled a "hater" or a "racist". heh. This is why some in the republican party are rolling over. If you can't beat them with their give-a-way and entitlement programs - then join them! heh. It is just more indication that we are on the downslope as an empire. We have seen our best days. I've always said that prosperity would end up destroying us before a nuclear warhead, famine or disease. And it looks as if I am right on track. heh. I will remain conservative (I am not a republican, btw) regardless of what names they call us. Names never bothered me. To me names are like water rolling off a duck's back. I will always stick to the truth.
Things I Learned February 26, 2013 at 08:24 PM
Komfort February 26, 2013 at 10:07 PM
Things I Learned February 27, 2013 at 01:13 AM
"On the first day of the 104th Congress, the new Republican majority will immediately pass the following major reforms, aimed at restoring the faith and trust of the American people in their government: FIRST, require all laws that apply to the rest of the country also apply equally to the Congress; SECOND, select a major, independent auditing firm to conduct a comprehensive audit of Congress for waste, fraud or abuse; THIRD, cut the number of House committees, and cut committee staff by one-third; FOURTH, limit the terms of all committee chairs; FIFTH, ban the casting of proxy votes in committee; SIXTH, require committee meetings to be open to the public; SEVENTH, require a three-fifths majority vote to pass a tax increase; EIGHTH, guarantee an honest accounting of our Federal Budget by implementing zero base-line budgeting. ..."
Things I Learned February 27, 2013 at 01:18 AM
"Thereafter, within the first 100 days of the 104th Congress, we shall bring to the House Floor the following bills, each to be given full and open debate, each to be given a clear and fair vote and each to be immediately available this day for public inspection and scrutiny. 1. THE FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY ACT A balanced budget/tax limitation amendment and a legislative line-item veto... 2. THE TAKING BACK OUR STREETS ACT An anti-crime package... 3. THE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ACT Discourage illegitimacy and teen pregnancy... 4. THE FAMILY REINFORCEMENT ACT Child support enforcement, tax incentives for adoption... 5. THE AMERICAN DREAM RESTORATION ACT A $500 per child tax credit, begin repeal of the marriage tax penalty... 6. THE NATIONAL SECURITY RESTORATION ACT No U.S. troops under U.N. command and restoration of the essential parts of our national security funding... 7. THE SENIOR CITIZENS FAIRNESS ACT Raise the Social Security earnings limit... and provide tax incentives for private long-term care insurance... 8. THE JOB CREATION AND WAGE ENHANCEMENT ACT Small business incentives... 9. THE COMMON SENSE LEGAL REFORM ACT "Loser pays" laws, reasonable limits on punitive damages and reform of product liability laws to stem the endless tide of litigation. 10. THE CITIZEN LEGISLATURE ACT A first-ever vote on term limits..." http://www.nationalcenter.org/ContractwithAmerica.html
Duke of the foothills February 27, 2013 at 04:18 AM
Fact checker, I donate nearly 20k/yr to charity, and nothing to politicians. The charities I support can decide whether the recipients and projects are worthy. Not so with the greater amounts the fed and state confiscate from me. For example, are 75% of CA cops really disabled when they retire? Give me a break!
James Marple February 27, 2013 at 09:29 AM
The extremists who gained control of the Democrat party can only stay in power if they are able fool most of us most of the time through their grossly biased major news media that has created a myth of financial crisis. I've seen no effort to rebut this statement, only attempts to distract attention from it. All of us are both "conservative" and "liberal" in various way. That does not make us either a Republican or a Democrat. The difference between these parties lies in our inclination to see government either as a means to make and enforce reasonable laws or as a weapon with which to fool the public into voting for candidates who promise to steal for them. Our republic will fail if cunning professional liars are able to persuade a majority of voters to elect a majority of nitwits and thieves. If enough of the sensible people get off their dead butts and do their homework so that they do not depend upon the news media for their opinions then extremist Democrats will not be able to exploit the greed that lies within all of us and the real Democrats will push them out. And we will once again have a well-balanced political system.
fact checker February 27, 2013 at 06:59 PM
Things I Learned, I hope you also learned that NOTHING can be accomplished if the minority party chooses to obstruct EVERY single piece of legislation.
fact checker February 27, 2013 at 07:01 PM
Good for you Duke. And I hope someone will be willing to donate to you if you ever need it.
jb February 27, 2013 at 09:05 PM
Um, excuse me, but he is selling a "book". Uh, to make money, and Uh, get his name in the news again.
fact checker February 28, 2013 at 12:37 AM
And where are the real republicans in your little scenario?
Duke of the foothills February 28, 2013 at 03:20 AM
FC, I've saved 10% of what I earn for 30 years, so it is highly unlikely I will ever need help from anyone at this point. I'm extremely frugal, and drive my cars for >10yrs. Yet the government picks my pocket and pisses it away. That's extremely annoying and unfair. I am upset that the President seems to think that people with money got that way by unethical or unfair means. I do it by working 60+ hour weeks and ensuring that the company I work for satisfies my customers. Last time I looked, neither the President nor Congress have high satisfaction rates. So who is getting rich by unfair/unethical means?
Things I Learned February 28, 2013 at 04:31 AM
fact checker February 28, 2013 at 06:13 AM
Have you checked out what a coronary by pass or cancer treatment might cost you or a loved one? That nest egg could disappear pretty fast. Or how about nature's fury wiping you out? Insured? Great. But some of her fury isn't covered. You may need some assistance at some point. The President has never said the wealthy are unethical or unfair. He simply thinks they can do a little more than others. Why do you want to do more so they don't have too? If you are part of the 1-2% then you can afford it. You'll never notice it.
RATSJ February 28, 2013 at 06:34 AM
This article is spot on and reflects exactly what the Repugnators are all about. You all have a hard time facing the truth, which by the way will prevail. Hang on to your bottoms!
James Marple February 28, 2013 at 07:34 AM
It is obvious to persons not afflicted with mindless followership that the real Republicans have been working hard and well within the big scenario if Congress to cooperate with the real Democrats in slowing spending by Democrat extremists. This cooperation is consistently ignored by the major news media that does not want the real Democrats, who place sworn duty ahead of job security and the wealth that power brings, to regain control of their party so that Congress becomes able to function properly again. The criminal element of our private sector that bankrolls parasitic journalists would become visible through the crusading editors and investigative reporters that conscientious owners would hire. The Internet has given independent voters an opportunity "to look at things from both sides now", despite perversions of Google and other falsely 'liberal' search engine managers who put the cunning deceits of Wikipedia up front to poison the climate of research while they bury impartial opinion on back pages. Hopefully discussions such as this one will continue to display both sides and so move our society back towards widespread citizen participation in politics.
Kevin George February 28, 2013 at 07:42 PM
That's so typical fact checker. It is amazing how generous liberals are with other peoples money. It's SO easy to say " They won't even miss $10K", unless of course it is you who earned it.
Jac Flanders March 01, 2013 at 12:59 AM
Look again, Duke. The last time you looked we must have had a diferent president.
Duke of the foothills March 01, 2013 at 01:43 AM
Duke of the foothills March 01, 2013 at 01:48 AM
Jac, I did look recently. This is what "my" President said... http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2012/07/14/president-obama-if-youve-got-a-business-you-didnt-build-that-somebody-else-made-that-happen/
tiny March 01, 2013 at 03:25 AM
right/left matrix: www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIwPQ4svqjE
Status Quo March 01, 2013 at 05:51 AM
Now 'Just Us'... Weeks ago, 'Jac' made great pains to instruct his respondents that this is 'his blog', each time he shares his sycophantic musings within his ideology... this time, revamped into the label of 'satire'. The tag-line for this article stated, in reference 'Jac'... "Writer/Author/Photographer" "A satirical view of Republican political positions, in answer to the President's State of the Union speech."... this alone, negates the need to address or "challenge the assertions of the blog", especially when the first line of the satire is based in obvious lie. Uh oh! the tag line says it is 'satire' rather than his sniping against his foes. "bring down the government"??? I think the left, has that corner nailed down 'fairly' tight and find satire is convoluted to utilize... considering the Constitutional crisis that is being created by the 'change' he ('Jac') apparently believes in. 'Jac's equally apparent need to control - hiding in satire, then entreating intelligent conversation while castigating his opponents is rolled in his judgements. I am glad, he does not seriously care, as it makes the pointless nonsense more palatable to read. I'm just ecstatic! 'Jac' is now calling his recurring righteous indignant view - satire.
Duke of the foothills March 01, 2013 at 02:43 PM


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