Jack Bauer's Got Nothin' On Mom

So, now it is time for the next confession—moms need 24 hours to work miracles. At least, that is what I have always told my children. Struggling to find a topic this week, being trapped in the midst of one of those weeks where you have to remind yourself to just breathe, my youngest daughter suggested I write about one of my cardinal “Mom” rules.  And so, here we are.

It started with the need to put brakes on the instant decision gang-up moves my daughters would employ at after-school pickup … to avoid embarrassing them in front of their friends by denying the sleepover/playdate/go home with so and so request, I established my “Mommy can work miracles with 24 hours’ notice, but you have to give her 24 hours to make it happen.” Otherwise, the answer will always be “no.”  It worked out well, the requests became more reasonable, I gained the breathing space to provide a thoughtful answer and not the “absolutely not, what are you thinking” retort jockeying to escape my lips.

The “24-hour rule" reaped dividends in other ways as well. It encouraged my daughters to be more thoughtful themselves. If they had to request something 24 hours in advance, they had to think it through and decide if that was really what they wanted to do at that time. The impulsiveness of acting on a friend’s request was tempered by having to delay gratification. Many times they found they really were not interested in what was proposed once they were past that excited moment of planning with their friend.

The rule also made me feel like a better mother. I was not saying “no” all the time anymore. There were more “let’s wait and see” or “let’s look at the calendar” moments and the balance between being the mom ogre and the mom pushover stabilized. In establishing the “24-hour” rule, I explained to my children that I wanted to accommodate them, as much as possible when appropriate, but I could not do so without having that opportunity to reflect, look at what else might be going on and talk to them to determine if this was an impulsive moment or something they really wanted to do.

Unfortunately, it is a rule I still forgot to apply to myself. A lot of times, the last few weeks in fact, I find myself juggling commitments I accepted in the excitement of the idea. Then I become mired in the reality of doing the work.  It’s like a whole bunch of Mondays ganged up on me at once … and I did it to myself. At least my girls have developed better skills in this area than I have.  Who knows, maybe I can learn something from them one of these days?  So, how about you?