Looking back on it, I’m amazed I had the courage to drive from Manhattan Beach to Rancho Mirage by myself and walk through the doors of the Betty Ford Center. My estranged husband Jim had come up earlier in the day to pack up the dogs and lock up the house for the next 30 days as he was currently living in Orange County getting sober the old-school way—by attending AA meetings and working with a sponsor. My mom had been staying with me while I waited for Betty Ford to call and confirm they had a bed for me. When they did call, she helped me throw a few things into a bag and literally walked me to my car. Then she hopped in her car and followed me until she took a detour to San Bernardino and drove home. From there I was on my own. I’ll be forever grateful to two loyal girlfriends, Katie and Leslie, who called me on the road to send me their love and tell me I was doing the right thing.
Many old-timers talk about how they had their last hurrah before they got sober, or how they arrived at rehab drunk or high. That was not the case for me. Since Mom had been babysitting me for several days, I was as dry as can be when I checked in with the nurse. I’m glad, because I remember feeling at home from the minute I arrived. I cried, I felt such relief. In fact, I cried every single day I was at rehab because it was such a tremendous relief to finally feel like I belonged—that I was with other people who understand what I was going through. I even cried when I met Betty Ford, who was a frequent speaker and visitor to the center back then. She said, “Don’t worry, dear. Crying is good.The tears wash away the pain.” And then she gave me a hug.
It’s hard to adequately describe in a short blog what rehab at Betty Ford is really like. It’s a little like dorm life, where you share a room with few amenities and you eat in a cafeteria. You also attend lectures and classes where you learn about your disease and have homework assignments. But the homework assignments are all about you, and they are read by a team of experts who then provide positive and constructive feedback. At what other time in your life do you get to spend 30 days just focusing on you and your issues, and then get advice from professionals on how to handle your situations? What a luxury!
The atmosphere is also a little like camp. There are arts and crafts projects (again, related to you, like telling your life story in poster form or a painting), team sports, talent nights and special “medallion ceremonies” complete with a rendition of Amazing Grace for departing residents. And finally, yes, it is a little like a hospital, because many of the residents are detoxing and must be monitored both mentally and physically, among other reasons.
For me, the experience was life-changing because I finally learned how to shut off my head. You see, that’s one of the reasons why I drank and used drugs—to escape and have some peace from the obsessive thinking that would go on and on and on in my brain. At Betty’s Camp, I learned the secret: I learned how to finally surrender and accept life on life’s terms.
For some of you reading this, you may say ‘But that’s so easy!’ And I’m glad for you if it is easy.
But that wasn’t the case for me. I learned to surrender and accept by sharing my feelings in a journal, in a one-on-one session with a therapist, and in a group setting with peers who suffered from the same disease of addiction as me. Imagine getting up in front of a crowd of 50 or more people and sharing something personal and embarrassing like the fact that you met your spouse while you were drinking alone at a bar. It’s easy for me to do it now, but I was literally shaking the first time I did it at rehab. That’s one of the things they teach you at Ford: how to share your secrets with a safe group (like your rehab peer group or the folks at an AA meeting) and then release them, because they no longer hold any power over you.
Surrendering, acceptance, sharing…these were three very important gifts I received at Betty Ford, and I would have been happy with just this much. But there’s more to come! Stay tuned for the final installment.
In my opinion unless there is something drastically altering the brain, it is a cop out to say choice does not play a part in being an addict.
This is your classic Liberal vs moral responsibility divide. In the blog Alison says: At Betty Ford you attend lectures and classes where you learn about your disease. For me, the experience was life-changing because I finally learned how to shut off my head. At Betty's Camp I learned the secret of surrendering and accept life on life's terms. One of the things they teach you is how to share your secrets with a safe group and then release them, because they no longer hold power over you. Surrendering, acceptance and sharing were gifts I received. It seems to me by the above description that the treatment at Betty Ford deals with addiction issues that are more psychological and moral rather than a physical. And so when Dan said historically alchoholism was considered a crime, well probably because historically people also looked at addiction more as a psychological and moral issue.
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." Rumor has it that Elvis was seen visiting Orange County in the last few days. Any sightings out there?
So let's all recognize our individual 'diseases' and do our best to overcome them and make the world a happier place. And if you want to spend your money (or your insurance money) letting the Betty Ford people help you with whatever 'disease' you suffer from - may the good Lord bless you until the cows come home.
Thanks for your feedback, sir.
Medical Definition of DISEASE : an impairment of the normal state of the living animal or plant body or one of its parts that interrupts or modifies the performance of the vital functions, is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms, and is a response to environmental factors (as malnutrition, industrial hazards, or climate), to specific infective agents (as worms, bacteria, or viruses), to inherent defects of the organism (as genetic anomalies), or to combinations of these factors : sickness, illness—called also morbus; compare health 1 Susceptibility to addiction is the result of many interacting genes. Social and environmental factors contribute to this risk of addiction. It is becoming increasingly clear that genetic factors also weigh in. Like other behavioral diseases, addiction vulnerability is a very complex trait. Many factors determine the likelihood that someone will become an addict.
Of course. That way insurance has to cover it. Pretty smart financial move by the medical industry if you ask me. Plus, if I am a drunk I can just say that I have a 'disease' and it relieves me of my guilt. It makes recovery easier for some. However, for others it may perpetuate the problem, as they can claim to have a 'chronic disease' and consequently take no personal responsibility for their problem. So it's kind of like a double edged sword, depending, of course, upon who the drunk is. Am I making sense? "I would also like to add that many people disagree with JustUs and Constant Comment." That's fine. I embrace disagreement. I engage in some of that myself on occasion. I mean, what would discussion boards be without disagreement, dear? Quite boring. Wouldn't you say? Enjoy your day and don't get wet.
Quite an approach there, not questioning when people are being disingenuous to you.
Meanwhile they just proved to anyone who has struggled with addiction just how stupid and ugly their souls really are. It's people like JustUs and Constant Comment who remind me there really is a hell. You don't go there for your "sins." The stupid and ugly souls live there.
did you ever find my article on Obama again? It's here: http://missionviejo.patch.com/blog_posts/presidential-whack-a-human So what did you think of it btw?
I just don’t accept that most established religions - either big or small - which have been created by mankind are truly representational of that being or spirituality. In most or many cases these religions are fraught with flaws, ambitions, self-interests, political struggles and terrible destructive practices. The history of mankind clearly tells us that is so. And, I think that a person’s faith or religious beliefs should remain personal and private. Using the god or God word is so often just a cop out - just as you are using it in this thread.
Like I said, I am glad I have no kids nor want any.
And many of the recovering addicts reading this thread just had a smile spread across their face. You describe all of this as a "habit" three times in another comment. A habit is quite different than an addiction. The language we use betrays more than we think.
Dan Avery 8:08 pm on Monday, February 18, 2013 JustUs you are one of the most reprehensible, ugly, soulless wastes of human flesh I have ever come across. You just love to try to demean and intimidate. And notice, you fool, how it isn't just me that says so. On every thread you've ever commented on several people have shared that assessment with you. I truly wish you were employable so you could return to whatever brain-numbing assembly line job you thought you were good at and leave us alone.
You make excuses for smoking and you make excuses for your mom WHO JUST as you put it" had a problem with alcohol and pills." She chose alcohol and pills regardless of having a child, and apparently verbal abuse too, as evidenced by your behavior. You seem to feel talking to people in an abusive manner is acceptable. Time to grow up Dan, stop making excuses for your mom and your extreme rudeness.
Pills, smoking choosing alcohol over a family, verbally abusing children, these are a choice. It is painful to admit, but the sooner you do the easier it will be for you to take responsibility for your own actions.